Opening games: The Good, The Bad and The Painful

Opening games: The Good, The Bad and The Painful

So, every team has now played at least one game, and with one or two notable exceptions, they’ve given performances ranging from poor to downright putrid. Thus far, we’ve been treated to one shock, a couple of controversial red cards, about half a dozen goals and the bare minimum of entertainment.

Perhaps things will improve when the players come to terms with the altitude, the strange plastic ball and the fact that they’re supposed to be centre stage in the greatest spectacle in the universe, but I’m not holding my breath.

Has there been anything of note worth commenting on? Well, three things have stood out in my book:

The Good

Sorry folks, but it has to be the Germans. I can’t recall too many pundits tipping them to shine, but once again it looks like they’re going to be contenders.

I guess the only thing more predictable than a ruthlessly efficient display from Schweinsteiger & Co was the text I received halfway through the second half from Hamburg. My pal Dan had been diplomatic enough to keep schtum after England’s turgid showing but couldn’t resist flexing his texting fingers once the Aussie annihilation was in full swing. ‘Be amazed and take notes’ was the gist of his message. I was tempted to text back ‘Marathon not a sprint mate’ but didn’t know the German for marathon, or sprint, or mate for that matter. Let’s just pray that they’ve peaked too early because with Jürgen Klinsmann leading the BBC’s analysis there’s every danger we’ll see the art of Smug being taken to a new level.

The Bad

Where to start? So many contenders here – Ledley’s groin, Green’s fumble, Adebayor’s punditry – the list is endless. But the winner has to be Maradona’s suit. I don’t doubt for a minute that it’s tailored from the finest cashmere and would look a billion bucks on a Beckham or a Seedorf (how cool is he by the way, a dude and a half who’s as eloquent as he is charming in sixteen languages), on Diego though, it’s just wrong. He’s like a kid at a wedding who’s been squeezed into something his mum picked up in a charity shop. Do us all a favour and get yourself a tracksuit. A nice blue XXL should do the trick.

The Painful

The noise. That infernal, incessant, irritating drone that we’ve been subjected to from game one. Why can’t Andy Townsend just keep quiet and let us enjoy the football?

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One Comment

  1. Posted by sharad on June 17, 2010

    The best banner in the Swiss spain game, Chocolate beat Paella.